Please note: This is just an amusing hoax!
Queen's Journal
(Queen's University, Kingston, ON) Tuesday, January 7, 1997
page 2

Rampant pornography forces Resnet to shut down indefinitely

Students have been under surveillance for months

by C. Lyn Gustov

After only four months of operation, campus Information Technology Services (ITS) intends to shut down Queen's groundbreaking Resnet service. According to an official ITS Senate report, Resnet is plagued with computer piracy, online gambling, and pornographic Web sites.

"There seems to be a significant number of sexually frustrated frosh", joked Andrew Hopper, director of ITS. "Seriously, we are very disappointed. We had intended Resnet to lead Queen's into the Information Age... instead it has become an electronic Sodom and Gommorra. We have decided to terminate the project indefinitely."

Resnet is the name for the network service that directly connects residences to the Internet. For a small cost, students living in any Queen's residence can have unlimited rapid access to the Internet. This direct connection has allowed many enterprising students to set up their own Web sites from their rooms.

"We have nothing against people running their own Web servers. However, when they start showing pornographic photos and running off-track betting, we have to draw the line", Hopper acknowledged.

In their report to the Senate, ITS described that within the past four months, more than 10 pay-per-use pornographic Web sites have been set up within Queen's residences. At least 2 of these sites were found to originate from Adelaide Hall.

Perhaps the most crude site was the "Tickle-Me Elmo Good Vibrations Page". This site offered explicit alternative uses for the popular vibrating children's toy, and encouraged visitors to submit amateur photographs.

"Originally, we had considered letting the pay-per-use sites continue to operate as long as the operators offered some sort of kickback. For instance, we could charge royalty fees since they were using the Queen's University Internet domain name", Hopper said. "But, after talking with Queen's legal counsel, we have decided that it would be best to just close Resnet down."

An enraged spokeswomen for the Senate agreed with the ITS actions. "ITS has the full support of the Imperial Senate. It will be a shame to discontinue this significant technical advancement, but that Elmo page was the last straw!"

As with the Resnet offenses, ITS tends to get tough on all Internet abuses from within Queen's. In the fall, ITS acquired and installed software which has enabled them to monitor all electronic transactions which occur throughout the QLINK student network. In addition to being able to read all e-mail messages, they have been able to identify the web sites most popular with students.

"We know and record every visit to the Pamela Lee-Anderson House of Worship", laughed Hopper. "We have significant proof that a large number of students have broken the CCS Code of Ethics and Queen's Code of Conduct. Within the next few weeks, we intend to contact both the offending students and their parents. As outlined in our Senate report, we have ... asked that appropriate action be taken against these students in order to protect the reputation of the university."

Due to holiday restrictions, the shutdown date for Resnet has yet to be determined, but Hopper predicts that it will be within the next two weeks.


Copyright © 1997 by the Queen's Journal. All Rights Reserved. Reprinted with permission.